First Steps To Chaos
You can tell a new parent by their naive excitement as the developmental milestones are met. The cameras are out and joy is etched upon their innocent faces as their little one takes their first wobbly steps across the sitting room, Facebook is updated and grandparents are informed. ‘What a magnificent magical moment!!’ they’ll exclaim, blissfully unaware of the carnage and destruction that follows.
You don’t know what you’ve let yourself in for.
Gone are the days of your baby being where you left them. Gone are the abundance of ‘cute bundle of joy’ sitters. Gone is the nonchalant placement of expensive and fragile items willy-nilly around the house. Gone is your minimalist lifestyle. Gone is your life. Your 20 second Facebook video is liked and shared again and again but you’ll pay for it, Oh! You’ll pay, big time.
This moment of ‘joy’ soon becomes a logistical nightmare. Nothing is safe. Life isn’t easier now, your mini monster has just developed passed its pupa stage. Think of them as gremlins, consider them wet, oh and fed after midnight. They’ve ‘developed’ alright, developed into crazy mobile terrors, wobbly purveyors of destruction.
Did you ever notice that you don’t see ‘second-time parents’ rejoicing first steps and with very good reason, they know? Mobile monsters are ten times the work. They’ve been there, done it and bought the replacement items. Once upright the damage caused becomes infinitely higher. Reach is extended, previously safe countertops and coffee tables are the hunting ground of this new form of enemy. It’s like level 2 in a computer game, their difficulty level has risen.
Your house is now in lockdown, partners are called into action; stair gates and safety catches are the ’new norm’. Fort Knox doesn’t hold a patch on what used to be your home. Your 67 Facebook likes have just cost you the ability to open a kitchen cupboard without having to work your way past a ’Rubiks cube-like’ safety lock.
Remember that games console you owned? Good, because it’s going to just be a memory, a distant one at that. It’ll be safe to take it back out when it’s hideously out of date.
Vinyl? Forget about it.
’Free range children’ sound great on paper but the reality is a different matter. Any second-time parent will tell you as they sip from an alcoholic beverage ‘if you think it’s bad now wait till glitter and Play-Doh gets added to the mix!’
All Images: imgflp.com