At What Age Are You Going To Introduce Your Kid’s To Porn?

Firstly, that’s a question I didn’t expect to be asking and to be completely honest I am not entirely sure how I find myself asking it either.! But seriously, what age? 

We are probably all aware that in the UK, you currently have to be over 18 to buy or watch pornography.  So with that in mind, my first answer is 18! Yeah, 18……….. Job done, can I  move onto the next question now?

Without wanting to drop myself in it, I’m sure that I’m not the only Dad reading this article that owned, read or watched some porn before his 18th Birthday. Back then, in the dark ages, it was a little more tricky.

It took dedication. You either needed to look a lot older than you were, find a friendly newsagent or rely on your dodgy mate who either had some fake ID and/or a fluffy-haired top lip.

 

Purely For Research Purposes – Honest, Mum. 

Whichever option you relied on, it still took a trip into town, under the cover of darkness together with a stealth-like operation on your return home to get it safe and well hidden in your room. 

Now, jump forward a few years and  I am sure you can see where I’m going with this, we can access porn, anytime, anywhere (the term anywhere should be used with caution) for free and as an added bonus it is even on our phones!

Happy days!

From my life experiences so far, if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is. If we can access it on our phones (us being Dad’s that remember the world where telephones were either attached via a cord to the hallway wall or placed inside red boxes at the end of the road), then our tech-savvy mini-me’s who can’t imagine a world without technology can also access free porn from practically anywhere at anytime. 

Was that a mass cry of “But, I had access to porn whilst underage and it did me no harm” I heard? Let me give you some facts. Yeah……. I did some research on this..

In an investigation conducted by Panorama in 2017, it was reported that the level of children peer on peer abuse had risen from 4603 offences in 2013 to 7866 offences in 2016 and sexual offences by children aged 10 and under had more than doubled in the same period from 204 in 2013 and 456 in 2017.

It was also reported by the NSPCC that children as young as 4 have been interviewed by police on suspicion of rape, sexual assault and accessing porn. Panorama also noted that in 2016, 225 alleged rapes carried out by under 18’s happened on school premises, including primary school playgrounds. Yes, you did read that correctly – PRIMARY SCHOOL PLAYGROUNDS.

Nestling nicely between Twitter and Wikipedia, pornhub.com and XNXX.com sit at nine and ten respectively in the current top ranked websites in the UK according similarweb.com and in 2015, when a lot of the above research dates from, it is estimated that LiveJasmin.com was getting 35 million visitors every month. Did you also know that 43,758 links on the internet link directly to LiveJasmin.com, now let’s compare that to the 18,074 links to Netflix or the 4,620 links to Rightmove?

What was that? Did I hear you whisper “what are the government doing about this?”. Shall I tell you? In February 2016 a bunch of MP’s and other committee members wrote a report for the Department for Culture Media and Sport. Within this report it stated that 1.4 million unique visitors under 18 have accessed adult websites from their desktop computer, this equates to 20% of under 18’s who have access to the internet.

Of this, 13% of children between the age  6 and 14 have visited an adult-site.  1 in 5 children between the ages of 11-17 has seen a pornographic image that shocked or upset them. In this same report, a study found that adolescents who viewed violent pornography were 6 times more likely to engage in sexually aggressive behaviour compared to those peers who did not.

There are also countless court reports and newspaper articles saying that in an under 18 sexual assault case that the guilty party had admitted having seen adult related stuff online. 

Ok, whilst it is impossible to prove that accessing porn makes our kids rape or assault another child, there is certainly enough evidence to support that it may contribute to these things happening. 

So gent’s what should we do about this?

Run, hide, scarper, pop to the pub? Generally, bury our heads in the sand? Pass the buck, this is one for Mum to deal with? 

 

Or, Dad’s got this one…….

I’m going to own up and tell you that the next bit isn’t only my thoughts. I scoured the internet reading as many parent blogs and children charity sites that I could find for advice to find out their thoughts too. Being completely honest there isn’t much out there either. Making this even more important to get out there.

This is the bit where all the Mum’s would say we need to talk. I’m a Dad and I needed to mentally prepare and build up to the talking bits. So let’s start at home.

We all know that we can lock down our home router, we have all heard about the age protection stuff they sell us on signing up to a broadband contract. But how many of us actually acted on this. I must confess that my technical ability is rubbish, so following a quick phone call to my broadband provider our internet was on full lockdown.

To such an extreme the very next thing I hear leaving my eldest boys mouth was “why has the internet gone all North Korea up here”.

So a few tweaks and a few more phone calls to Sky later we had an internet that was usable, safe and more age restricted. 

 

                                                  The Enemy Of Curious Teenage Boys.

Sorry, not quite…….. have you forgotten that your mini-me, does leave the house occasionally, they do actually have friends too. Their friends’ parents may not have entered operation lockdown on their routers.

Also, friends have older siblings who like to share their knowledge of naughtiness with any younger brother or sister who is happy to listen and learn. So, following another quick phone call to my mobile phone contract provider I had learnt how to bring all of the phones into operation lockdown. Phew……

You may want to sit down for the next bit, I suggest reading it a few times, grab a cuppa and get yourself mentally prepared. It’s having an awkward conversation with your little one time and it is going to involve talking out loud to them about sex.

I consider myself fairly logical, so that’s the route I’m going with this. We all want to protect our children, sometimes you don’t even know you are doing it. Hands up if you have lock’s on your windows and doors? Do you hold the younger one’s hand when crossing a road? 

Sometimes we also want to warn them about possible dangers too. Before a recent visit to London, which was including train, tube, bus, museum and the sites with all of mine, I was totally sh@£ting myself. However I explained how busy it would be, I explained what we were doing and the relative dangers for each.

I also gave each of them one of my business card’s and explained that if we got separated to give this information to the police, or train guard, or station staff etc. Just before we got on the train I took a picture of each of them, knowing that if they went missing I would never have the mental strength to remember what they were wearing should I be asked by the police. 

With this logical approach, this was going to be easy! I just need to explain to them and warn them about the other side or influence that porn may represent…….

I have three kids, three different ages and three different chats ahead of me. Obviously, the way and depth I needed to talk with my 8-year-old daughter were going to be completely different from the pre-teen I have introduced to you all in my last article. But I had decided they were all going to start in a similar way and in a private and comfortable environment with the same question.

“Hey (insert kids name here), I was reading an article on Don’t Believe The Hype today about kids watching pornography online, Do you know what Pornography is?

From then on in, it’s all about winging it a little. Well winging it with aimed facts to hand. You will get questions and depending on the individual level of curiosity the number of questions will vary. Just remember to stay calm (and breath, breathing is important), listen, discuss. I will warn you. It’s going to get a little sex education at some point. Just remember that sex between consenting adults is not just about what they may have seen online. Its loving, intimate, respectful caring and not about quick self-gratification, harmful, without consent. 

You could ask what they think about pornography or have they viewed it? It also brings in other topics like body awareness and how each body is different. Just remember to relax and be honest. 

And finally ……………………. RELAX!

Well done! You’ve done it……… well almost. You have done the hard bit. Just remember as the kids grow, so does their curiosity. But a little revisit chat every now again and you are good to go!

I have just realised I haven’t answered my initial question. This will be down to you and your child. For me it starts now, I for one will be broaching this with my lot this week. 

After researching this article it has become apparent how much access to pornography our kids have and the influence it may have on them. In most cases, it won’t affect them. But that could be because you have helped protect and educate them. 

Mental Note for the future: Don’t take, ‘article on porn, lot’s of research required’ quite as literally next time. Also, searching for images to illustrate the said article, is friggin’ dodgy.. 

Written by

Part time blogger | Part time gardener | Dad www.dadsdeliciousdinners.co.uk

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1 Response

  1. Right away I am ready to do my breakfast, after having
    my breakfast coming yet again to read other news.

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