Interview With An Alien…

Okay, so he’s not an alien… he’s an Agriculan from the planet Agricular in Cosmos Redshift 7, his name is Zpor and he’s the lead singer of ‘cosmic dross’ band Henge: ‘My planet no longer exists. It was consumed by the dying star that formerly held its orbit. I have very fond memories of my home planet, for it is where I first heard the sacred sounds of ‘cosmic dross’ – the soundtrack to the Agriculan’s ‘second age of enlightenment’…’

Zpor stumbled across earth a couple of billion years ago: I was in the area keeping track of how life had been evolving on Venus which was populated with an intelligent, yet barbaric species – the Venusians. Their appetite for war had led to a race to consume the planet’s resources and as a result, the climate was experiencing a runaway greenhouse effect.’ Sound familiar? It should do and Henge has come to save us…


Whilst fleeing the event now known as The Great Venusian Apocalypse, we passed a small rocky planet. We were heartbroken having just witnessed the mass-extinction of life on Venus, but noticing that this small, dry planet was in the Goldilocks zone we decided to divert an ice-asteroid into her, bringing water to the planet for the first time. It was some consolation to feel like life might have another chance in this little solar system. That was our first encounter with Planet Earth…’

So, this might be a hard pill to swallow: Zpor and his band Henge first introduced water to planet earth a couple of million years ago and allowed it to exist as it does today as a habitable place, you get me? C’mon, it’s only as bonkers an idea as David Icke or any of the mainstream religions…



When asked how he thought his experiment with earth was going Zpor enthused: ‘It’s gorgeous! A tiny, delicate blue gem. Teeming with life of immense variety and with a delicious atmosphere for breathing. It is one of my favourite planets…which is why I keep coming back.’

However, Zpor does have some vital concerns about the earth and human behaviour – speaking of the song ‘Demilitarise’ the Agriculan crooner states: ‘This is an anthem for the human race. Both a protest against your vile arms industry and an appeal for you to fulfil your potential and make settlements on other planets, this song DEMANDS that you stop squandering your resources on destruction and unite in your efforts to save your species by colonising space.’

Having witnessed the destruction of life on Venus, Zpor has wisdom and experience from which all humanity can learn. Who can argue with that? Exactly, no one. I’m sold, Henge are my new gods.



The band line-up is completed by Brother Goo is a Venusian who ‘enhances our music with bass frequencies…’, Grok – the only human in the band – playing ‘whacked out synths…’ and Nom, a creature from the Sirius Star System, responsible for ‘the amphibian rhythms…’

It doesn’t come more intergalactic than that.

Zpor describes the band’s sound: ‘At its heart is the joy and frivolity that characterises traditional Agriculan ceremonial musicwhich, understandably, might mean absolutely nothing to you, but I can highly recommend if you’re in need of joy and frivolity to come to their Brighton show at the Hope and Ruin on November 9th.

Tickets available here:

The debut album ‘Attention Earth!’ is out on October 19th.

Check out their latest single ‘Indigo Dust’.

Written by

Jim is a qualified Newspaper Journalist and has a degree in English Literature and Language, but really just writes for his own enjoyment and exploration. Jim has played guitar various bands including Clearlake and The Miserable Rich.

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