What dads really want for Christmas
The Christmas in 78' Where I Looked So Much Like A Girl, I Was Made To Play An Angel

Ghosts Of Christmas Past.

Tis the season to be a miserable old sod, well that’s what we do as dads, isn’t it – Remember being a whippersnapper and the utter, unadulterated excitement leading us to the day when Santa would visit?

The endless TV ads on a Saturday morning. The ones where Action Man, Mr T, and others would compete with polished, frankly useless games on the pages of the Argos catalogue, for not only for your attention but the continuing whiney, high-pitched nagging rights to your poor old parent’s wallets.

Well, we have cast our slightly foggy minds back to those days of old, and have created a rundown of some of our favourite pressies and memories from those glorious days.

Christmas Ad Compilation.

 

Tunage:

A Hitachi 3D Super Woofer in the mid-’80s. It had graphics equalisers, and aux and offered high-speed dubbing. What more could a boy need to listen to Run DMC, the Housemartins and Debbie Harry on? Oh and definitely not listen to Samantha Fox……. well maybe a little bit of Samantha Fox! But, shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

Soldiers Of Fortune:

 

Hey kids, I have a fun idea? Let’s play fugitives from justice. You can be the elderly one with the smug grin and addiction to large cigars. Billy can be the one with mental health issues, but don’t worry we will continue to break you out of secure institutions, where you may be getting the medication and therapy you need to help combat your PTSD from an unjust war in Vietnam, to operate heavy artillery.

Ricky, you can be the sleazy misogynist, who thinks a slick hairdo means any female in a hundred yards is putty in your hands. Jonnie, you can be the big fella, with too much gold and a propensity for extreme violence, that no one really likes after he beat up Rocky Balboa. And Dave, you can be the token girl, because, well just because all of us are stronger than you and if you complain we will tie you to a tree and use you for target practice with our spud guns.

Re-record Not Fade Away – Well, Until Your Sister Tapes Over It With Some Rubbish.

A few brand spanking VHS tapes to record a wealth of cracking TV specials that used to rule the schedules of the four channel world.

What could be better than our TV heroes doing daft stuff, Jimmy Saville, Gary Glitter rappin’ and a shy young girl who want to be a singer, being dressed-up in tight leather clothing? What could be more innocent than that?

 

 

Bungee-rope Inspired Superpowers.

A pair of those little black PE shoes on that had little round dimples on the sole they would never suction to the wall so you could walk up against it like Spiderman. The same goes for putting about ten bungee ropes with the hooks on the shed roof beams so that you could lay across them, so it felt like you were flying.

It felt like I was a crying 8-year-old stuck in an elastic rope bungee mess for a panicked 45 mins shouting Mum!

The Advantage of The Eldest:

We had a tradition, which I now recognise as a potential stroke of genius by my parents, where my brothers and I would have one present on the end of our bed that we’d open at whatever ridiculous time we woke up.

This was on condition that we didn’t wake our parents up until a slightly less ridiculous time. It worked… to an extent. Typically my older brother would wake up, open whatever was on the end of the bed and then wake my younger brother and me to tell us what our presents were going to be (we all received the same thing to avoid arguments). Then we’d argue until our parents woke up.

Future Grand Designs:

I want a tree house which had gadgets, an ice cream machine & a roller coaster off the side of it. For some reason, Santa never managed to pop that one in my stocking…

But we never give up hope!!!

Now click over to see the kind on pressies we would like to see at the end of our bed, this year.

Written by

Editor | Journalist | Part-Time Revolutionary.

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